August 6, 2009



If anyone happened to see my last Thursday Thoughts -- which was subsequently deleted -- I want to apologize for my feelings getting the better of me. I try not to do that here, but I was feeling particularly frustrated with life and the lack of support I felt I had during that time.

Right now I'm in a really good place.
  • I've been initiating solo adventures even though they are uncomfortable for me. I got back on my bike. It had been about 15 years since I'd rode it last. I'm still a little wobbly but have enjoyed riding around to local garage sales with the kids. Feels good to get some exercise too. Then I was in Washington DC a few weeks ago and had to do some walking on my own. This type of solo activity can be very frightening to me, particularly in such a large city. Guess what? I made it to my destination safely! Whew, if I try this a few more times maybe it won't frighten me so much. And, for one of my biggest solo adventures yet, I'll be taking the kids to the Wisconsin State Fair by myself this Saturday. I am fortunate to have a bus that goes from Madison directly to the State Fair. Now I just have to manage my way around the fair itself. That shouldn't be so hard, right? Now none of this may seem particularly noteworthy to many of you, however, the fact that I am legally blind and unable to drive has made me quite comfortable relying on others. Not that I was dependent necessarily, but the comfort factor was always there. Someone always had my back if I couldn't read a sign or find my way around in an unfamiliar place. Not having that security blanket can be scary.
  • I made the huge decision to stop subscribing to my favorite scrapbooking kit club, Scarlet Lime. That means no more pretty scrappy goodies appearing on my doorstep on a monthly basis anymore. Surprisingly, once I made that decision I've felt completely fine with it. I've got sooooo much stuff to use as it is and have still been trying sell a lot of kits I've packed up.
  • I have stopped reading all blogs and message boards. Not that I don't want to, it's just that like TV, these activities can totally suck up hours of time without you even realizing it. It has gotten in the way of me getting down to business in achieving my dreams. So they had to go.
  • I've been writing! Okay, just a bit but still about 300 words in one day. Not bad! Even better, I used some of my frustration and not being able to sleep in a positive way, by sitting down and writing instead of crying and fuming. My therapist would be proud!
  • I've been spending lots of time with friends and family the last several weeks. I have gotten to enjoy the company of one of Hubby's friends, Ben, who is a very intelligent and motivated individual. I need friends like this. We've had a lot of talks about humanity, achieving goals, writing, etc., etc. along with sharing meals, playing Badmitton, or making s'mores over a fire. He adores the kids and they adore him. He and Hubby are good for each other too, with a lot in common in their massage therapy and martial arts pursuits. I've asked my niece, Erin, out to lunch the past couple of weeks. She's watching the kids two days a week this summer, but I don't get to see her much. She's an adult now and I have always had a special adoration for her. I have been able to see and feel potential coming from her pores ever since she was a little baby. I hope she realizes how special she is. I'm making sure to make time for her in my life. I've also reconnected with my life-long friend, Sherry, over the past couple of weeks. This past year has been a huge trial to our friendship, but I'm making an effort to make time for her in my life too, just taking it slow and seeing where things end up.
I've got so much to do yet. There are friends I'm anxious to talk to on a regular basis (Nicole, Fran, Lani, and Diane, in particular). Little by little I've been scaling back and focusing on what's really important to me. It'll take time to get everything running smoothly but I'm well on my way. And the part that has me in a state of bliss is that, for once in my life, I feel BALANCED.

And something else in my life is new. I've been praying more often for myself. That has been extremely rare in the past. I've always chosen to pray for others. But now, I go to bed at night praying for God to give me the strength and energy to live a fulfilled and productive life. It seems to be working!

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