THURSDAY THOUGHTS - Full Circle

I was just reading my Thursday Thoughts from 2005 and 2006 written before blogging and sent via weekly emails to my family and friends.  I always had a new surprise in there for you.  Either a motivational piece, a recipe, a goals scorecard, a joke, etc.  I would like to get back into that habit. 

I was curious ... what was I doing exactly 5 years ago?

I was attending my very first CHA in Chicago!!!  I met Tim Holtz for the first time.  I was successful in getting sponsors for our review team and having a blast meeting new people and was completely out of my comfort zone.  I woke up at 6:00 AM one morning and emailed Kevin my deepest thoughts about feeling overwhelmed and the need for decompression time.  I ate an early breakfast on my own, read the paper and journaled my feelings.  I also flew to Orlando for some work training and enjoyed a bit of time shopping in Downtown Disney.  I came back feeling overwhelmed but confident in myself.  I felt it was only a matter of time before I realized my dreams of writing and scrapping professionally.

I haven't achieved either goal but I still feel like they can both be a part of my life.  After taking a long break from scrapping I just rejoined Studio Calico monthly kits and am super excited to get that box of new goodies every month.  There is something so inspiring about receiving the new goods on a consistent basis.

I am also planning on doing some more submitting.  As far as design team work goes, the right opportunity would have to come along and not require a huge time commitment. 

My head is bursting with creative ideas for my shop and for a new novel.  I have a great concept in mind for what would be a third novel-in-progress.  I am going to hold off on starting that one and focus on finishing my other two first, at least have a first draft done.  My writing time so far has been zero, but I am trying to approach the process as a second job of sorts that requires regular writing time.  I am excited and will share my progress in weekly Wednesday posts.  

As far as the family goes, everyone is doing great.  My son has his last day of summer school tomorrow.  My daughter is now trying to learn the guitar after my son has pretty much abandoned his progress.  I also am interested in learning a bit of guitar so we may start having family guitar nights. 

I am also making sure the kids do lots of reading this summer and doing book reports on them.  The summer seems to be flying by!

Quote for the week:
“Success is largely a matter of holding on after others have let go.”
-unknown

WEDNESDAY WORDS - The bathroom

Here's a snippet of my writing this week:

The vomiting made my throat raw but it did nothing to distract me from the emptiness I felt inside.  I sat with my knees drawn up and my head in my hands.  The emptiness enveloped me and I began to rock back and forth until the soothing rhythm of my own weight shifting forward and back mesmerized my weakened mind.  It was a motion my body knew well and my mind greeted eagerly, knowing that the desire to eat and purge would be temporarily abated with this simple task.  A coping mechanism my therapist had called it.

My thoughts teased and taunted me as I sat.  Why has Richard left me all alone on New Years Eve of all nights?  Am I so terrible?  Is this a sign of the end for us?  The “why” seemed to echo all around me.  I didn’t have the answer and didn’t want to have one.  I pushed the thoughts down again in an effort to maintain a shred of self control.  Coping?  Hardly, I thought, as soft cries began to erupt from the baby’s room.  It was time to be mom again.

Title: Jagged Mirror
Word Count:  7556

WEDNESDAY WORDS - Chapter 14

So...I got some writing done this week...yeah! Unfortunately, it wasn't my best work and this little bit I'm sharing with you today is from Chapter 13:

It was only two years ago since this sick [f-word] was convicted of child molestation. He had victimized his nine year old niece over a period of years before anyone found out. The news reported that she was so traumatized she’d gone mute and began wetting her bed. Two years and he’s a free man. Two years… It was just incomprehensible how a dirt bag like this can get off so easily when this poor girl’s life was ruined. This guy deserved to die and she was going to see to it.

She checked her watch again and saw it was time for action.

It's funny how story lines can pop into your head at the strangest moments. Today I was pondering my quiet personality and it led me to think up a twist in the novel. I'm excited to have a more immediate direction to write, and I think that will help greatly this next week. Until then....

Untilted Novel
Word Count: 8.098

THURSDAY THOUGHTS - Excitement in Books and Movies

I can't believe it's been two weeks since my last Thoughts post. Work has still been very busy and I've also been struggling a bit with the "Who Am I?" question. It was just yesterday while I was emailing a friend that I stated "I just can't get enough creativity to fill me up." No matter how much time I devote to scrapbooking I still want to do more. I have also been considering getting into polymer clay, fabric piecing and possibly starting my own Etsy shop to sell some of my things. I LOVE all of this creativity. My mind literally bursts with colorful thoughts. It is invigorating and intoxicating.

Problem is, what I REALLY want to do, writing, gets pushed aside.

Second, how can I live creatively without neglecting my family?

Some really serious questions to consider.

I have noticed that my writing seems to gather a lot more interest than my scrapbooking does. I should be taking a hint, huh? So, I realize I can still scrap but I need to find a way to accomplish my writing goals. No one else is going to do it for me.

So, how does one become successful?

This is what I came up with:

1. Engage in self promotion.
2. Network with others in the field.
3. Don't be afraid to take risks. A successful person has taken many risks to get where they are at.
4. Work your ass off.
   

Three of these are difficult for me to do. I wonder if creative people tend to have a soft underbelly full of fear and doubt just waiting to be called on it. I have to get past that. (Being a Virgo and incredibly self-analyzing can be a real pain in the ass, but it also drives me to succeed in a way that can't be stopped.)

Are there any others you can think of?

My plan at the moment is to stop reading and posting in scrappy forums. (It is one of the greatest sources of time loss I can see.) I will continue to share my scrapbook pages here, but I will not share each one I create. I want to continue the Use Your Stash challenges.

My blog will include a lot more about writing/reading and things of that sort.

And I will establish myself with other writers and get networking.





I really, really need your support and encouragement as I go through this transition. Let me hear your comments, both good and bad.




Now, a bit of news to share.

Hubby's ankle was only severely sprained. No torn ligaments or broken bones. He does have an old fracture that was discovered.

I was passed over for the Urban Anthology design star competition. I had a blast doing it though and think I produced some great work along the way.

I am still doing well without the anti-depressant. Yeah!! It is super nice to only take 2 pills a day versus the 5 a day that I had taken at one time.

And two VERY exciting things to share:
American Ghost Hunter the Movie
Looks AMAZING. I can't wait!! I am so fascinated with the paranormal and have become a huge fan or Ryan Buell through Paranormal State.

I also read an extremely helpful book:
Revision: A Creative Approach to Writing and Rewriting Fiction by David Michael Kaplan

A VERY helpful book to look at writing and revising in a more creative way. It has helped me tremendously.

Now I'm off to put those skills to good use!

THURSDAY THOUGHTS - Love, Laugh, Learn and Live

It's been awhile since I've posted some Thursday Thoughts and I am just shaking my head because I feel like I have a million things I want to share. It appears that when I'm up I'm golden and when I'm feeling down, I feel pretty much worthless. I hate the ups and downs, but it's been four weeks since I stopped the Prozac and I have felt MUCH more clear-headed and focused. That I love! The bad news is that this past week has been a bit emotional for me, especially considering my hormones were doing some really crazy things at the same time. I've managed quite well though despite LOTS of tiredness and napping. I have to tell myself that feeling emotional is normal. Now HOW emotional is normal is an entirely different question. One that I'm still trying to answer.

We traveled to my parents' house on Saturday to celebrate Easter with the family. It was a pleasant day all around. Sunshine, good food, wine, bubbles and candy. It's all good. This holiday also went by without my heart pining for my sister. That's especially notable since Easter was the last holiday she hosted before her death, and it is nearly the 3rd anniversary since she died. I really do think the third year is when things start to get better.

Sunday Katie and I went to see this:
while the boys went to see Monsters vs. Aliens. (Boys...!) We hadn't eaten dinner so we each had a HUGE tub of popcorn to split with the kids. My crush with Miley Cyrus got even bigger while watching this movie. She's such a beautiful young girl who seems to have a buttload of potential. At this point I'm not sure if I or my daughter likes her more. I loved this movie and cried THREE times (yes...THREE!) during the movie. Ugh.

The kids had spring break last week. It was mostly quiet for all of us. DH and I each took some time off of work to watch them during the week so that we could avoid the daycare costs. It was so nice to be able to sleep in a few days last week!

Last night hubby and I watched this:

I didn't just cry watching this, no, I absolutely BAWLED. There are so many things that pluck at the heart strings here...I had to take a few deep breaths at the end of the movie just to stop crying.

I may be strange but I love movies that make me cry.

I adore Will Smith. Seriously, almost all of his movies are favorites of mine. I'm crushing on him big time right now....

Finally, hubby introduced me to a native Minnesota band called Atmosphere. I've been listening to their "When Life Gives You Lemons ... " CD. The lyrics are very powerful and moving. Again with the emotions and the heart strings. I just can't seem to stop feeling every little thing these days. Their lyrics remind me a bit of a song I'd been writing a few weeks ago. I was proud of it, but DH didn't quite know what to make of it. It *is* very hard to imagine a song with lyrics only. I need to find a good composer to make these words come alive.

But the heavy emotions are what I need to WRITE. I have actually had the desire to write again and, not only that, but FEEL THE MAGIC OF WRITING that seems to take over when things flow easily. It's almost blissful.

So....URBAN ANTHOLOGY...I'm still hanging in there. The elimination is about to happen but I'm feeling pretty confident. I'm totally living by the "If it's meant to be, it will be" philosophy when it comes to my scrapping though. No pressure there, just fun and creativity for me.

I'm hoping .... nope, scratch that ... next time I write Thursday Thoughts I will have gotten some serious writing done. I took a lesson from Seven Pounds to live life as if each day might be your last. I will love, laugh, learn and live as if it were a gift. I'll catch 'ya up on the top!

NOVEL: A tiny taste

Here's a little taste of what I wrote last. I'm particularly proud of this writing. It just sounds poetic to me.

The hurt that Alex felt was buried deep inside, locked away and forgotten. Like a piece of shrapnel that slices through its unintended victim, the injury could never be undone.

She was damaged goods. That is the way she was treated as a child and that, too, could never be undone. The hate she felt for her father welled up like a toilet about to overflow. Full of filth and turbulence, there was no stopping it.

This will be for the as yet untitled female heroine (Alex) novel.

My friend Gayle has a handy-dandy word count on her blog that is WAY ahead of where I am, but I thought it was a great idea, so I thought I'd do it too. Hats off to you Gayle!

#2 Heroine Alex: 6,244 words
#1 Jagged Mirror 7,218 words

THURSDAY THOUGHTS - Who Am I?

I'm just going to admit something right up front here. My motivation lately has been zero. It's been a struggle to do the daily things in life, and my desire for more is simply not there. I'd be okay sleeping the day away if I could. That is not the me I want to be.

I have been feeling that my anti-depressants are not working properly any longer. Last time I visited my doctor we increased the dosage to see if that would help. It hasn't. I will be seeing him again in a couple of weeks and we'll have to look at trying a new medication. I hate having to take pills, but I'm afraid I'm stuck with them forever.

My first and only prior bout with depression was over 14 years ago and it was MILD, so mild compared to what I'm dealing with now. It was gone and I was med free for 11 years and suddenly...WHAM....welcome to insanity. The doctors tell me that clinical depression can reappear over one's lifetime and each time it is often worse...I just can't take that chance. I want everyone to hear me on this: If you are not feeling happy then you need to get help! Therapy helps wonders. Believe me, I went for about 2 years before I started realizing it's benefits and now I am able to deal with these issues before things (me) get out of control. If you don't know my story and are dealing with these issues, I'd welcome an email to talk with you further. Suffice it to say that I have learned all of this the hard way.

Now, off of the depressing talk and on to happier things.

I've often wondered if it's possible to wake up one day and be an entirely different person. Have you ever felt like you just aren't the person you were meant to be? I have felt that way for awhile now. Actually since I really got into scrapbooking. I feel such a pull in the artistic direction but so much of my time and talent is spent elsewhere. I love my job and what I do, but it doesn't make my heart sing.

I dream of color, drawing and composition that is unique and free and fun, but when I sit down at my desk to scrap, I often feel stifled. I'm not sure how to break out of this other than to not "try" to create something but just "play" with it. (You know, not expecting to create a masterpiece.) I haven't quite gotten the hang of that yet. This is where I'd like to wake up one day and be free of my own inhibitions.

I want to be a writer. I mean a PUBLISHED writer. I've got two novels in the works but they are waiting for me to give them my full love and devotion. Writing is miraculous when it "flows" but awfully hard when it doesn't. I pray for divine intervention to come and take over my brain and give me the push to achieve this goal. In the meantime, I've been working hard to simplify my life to allow me to spend more time writing and less time wasting. Somehow in all of this I feel like a completed novel is something I'm meant to achieve, and therefore I don't feel a lot of pressure to produce quickly. This can be a great excuse to procrastinate and I'm apparently good at that!

But I just had an AHA! moment. I'd like to try songwriting. It combines two of my loves...writing and music. I have NO idea if I can write song lyrics, but I'd at least like to learn more about it and give it a try. The thought of it truly has made my heart burst with excitement. This is something I can work on at random moments throughout the day and don't have to worry about having the time to set aside for it. It will also keep me in a writer's mindset throughout much of the day and likely help out in the novel writing as well.

Let the ideas come, I am ready.

Welcome to 2009!!!

Happy New Year!!!!
I took this photo last June at a friend's graduation party. I had so much fun trying to capture fireworks with my new camera. Doesn't it look fab?? I could never have done this with my old camera.

So...it was just Hubby, Son and I last night. Daughter spent the night at a girlfriend's house. To make it special for K, we pulled out the sofa sleeper and piled it with blankets and pillows. We ordered pizza and watched movies and played games. Ate way too much and Hubby and I had a couple of mandarin orange martinis using a box of the kids' Juicy Juice, Cointreau and Malibu...yummy!!! We watched the Dick Clark Rockin' New Years and saw him come on later in the night...OMG...what happened to him? Did he have a stroke or something? He was nothing like I'd remembered him but I do greatly admire his courage and dedication to his work. Oh yeah...and Kellie Pickler was doing the Times Square interviews and she totally annoyed the heck out of me. She was like screaming her questions all night and that got totally annoying. (I don't know her from American Idol so this is the first time I'd seen her.)

I was the only one awake to see the New Year come in at our house, but that was long enough and I was off to bed.

I woke up around 9:45 AM...OMG...that's just crazy late around my house. Unfortunately, I woke up to a phone call from my mom telling me that my Grandma was rushed to the hospital early this morning. She's almost 98 years old and one of the strongest women I know, but this may be the end for her. It may be a blessing depending on how the next few days go. It's been hard to see her mobility and independence diminish to a point that we know she can't be happy anymore. She said she's been praying for God to come and take her so I'll send up my own little prayer that if this is her time that she go quickly and peacefully and that her current suffering doesn't linger or worsen.

I've been giving a lot of thought to my goals for 2009. I'll make them but always have a super hard time sticking to them. So this year I want to make sure that I make goals that I can keep. Hopefully this short list will be the start of me walking the path to my long-held dreams. No more excuses. Here they are:

1. Exercise a minimum of twice a week
2. Take at least one picture every day this year. (Preferrably these would end up in a scrapbook, but I'm not commiting to that.)
3. Write my novel on a consistent schedule.

I've been aligning my life to meet these goals so I'm confident that I can achieve them. Here's hoping to an incredible 2009...and perhaps my best year EVER! Happy New Year!!!

Chapter 5

I woke before the sunrise and dressed for travel. I was ready to move but my clothes had not come back from the dry cleaners. I impatiently called the concierge and asked him to check on my laundry. A few minutes later there was a soft knock at the door. I yanked it open just enough to allow the clothing to pass through without being seen. A $10 bill was clasped in my hand and it was accepted as we traded our offerings. With that done, I grabbed my suitcase and headed toward the stairwell.

I exited through the service area without notice. The night air was still crisp and my breath sent puffs of white to dance among the streetlights. I had a five block walk to the parking garage where my next car was waiting. At the corner of Spaight and Lake Street my associate, Bonzo, nodded as I approached. His undercover work is top notch with every detail taken care of. He looked like he’d been living on the street for years.

“Hey lady, you got any change?” he called. Even his voice fit the part

Cans and bottles were tossed here and there and I caught a whiff of sour piss as I approached. His face was dirty and weathered and his hands crippled as I handed him some money. This was our ritual when all was well. The “money” was in fact a list outlining his next assignment.

I continued toward the car and eased into the seat. The engine on this beauty purred to life as I turned the key. Satisfied that my time in this town was behind me, I pulled out of the ramp and headed west.

Chapter 4

He moved his mouth across my neck and softly licked my skin. I had a momentary relapse as his hands clasped at my long brown hair making my breath quicken as he pulled me back under him. Then the relapse faded as my brain kicked back into gear. I quickly pushed him off of me and grabbed for my robe, as a subtle sneer played across my face. I turned back to see him wince at the sudden turn of events. I stood watching him as he pulled his clothes back on.

I withdrew $60 from my purse and pressed the cash into his hand. I grabbed for my clothes and handed them over. "Here, these are the clothes I need to have dry cleaned and I need them back by morning. Can you take care of that?" I asked before heading to the shower, not bothering to hear his response.

The shower here was lukewarm at best and the water pressure gulped and belched with annoying frequency. My time in the shower is the only place I can be the real me, but this one wasn’t worth staying long enough to enjoy it. I cranked the lever to its off position and stepped out. The robes were decent here so I slid into one and went back to the bed. The big, fluffy pillows made an inviting place to rest. Or think.

I had a few hours to prepare for tomorrow. Even though the multiple profiles I assume are familiar and well developed, I must carefully plot every move in order to remain undetected. An error in judgment could bring my world to a quick and painful end. I won’t let that happen.

I pull a bottle of vodka from the mini bar and slide back onto the pillows. The sun was setting now and the view from my window was made up of spectacular teal and rose colors. I opened the bottle and swallowed hard. The warmth spread through my chest as I planned my day ahead. Satisfied that everything was set, I burrowed deeper into the pillows. A soft smile played across my lips as I fell asleep.

Chapters 2 and 3

NOTE: Parts of my writing will be sexually explicit and graphic, including Chapter 3.

Chapter 2

Crystal gestured toward the little wooden stool provided for visitors and I sat carefully. She plopped down across from me.

“Um….I’m going to be going now” said the woman who had greeted me.

“Hey, have a great night Suze.” Crystal waved.

“Yeah, you too!” she replied with a wink. She pushed the screen door shut and locked it behind her.

“What is it you’d like to know today, hmm?” she said as her stubby fingers began spreading Tarot cards on the table between us.

“Where’s the crystal ball?” I remarked, knowing that she‘d probably heard that one a million times before. With a name like Crystal you just have to see the irony there. “You know, a crystal ball for Crystal?” Yeah, it was a lame comment, but dang this place was giving me the creeps.

She did not take her eyes off of the cards as she continued moving them around the table and her expression remained neutral. I took that as my cue to shut up already. “Hmm….”

My emotions were suspended now.

“ahhh, here it is” she said as she plucked a card from the pile. She examined the card carefully, quizzically, before laying it down before me. It was the Hangman.

“What does that mean?” I asked.

“Ah…the Hangman card is very unique and has a very definite meaning. It is one of the easiest cards to read….”

“Okay…”

“and it sends a very important message.”

“….what does it mean?”

“This card is the symbol of a forceful change ahead. It is the ending of one way of life for the beginning of another. The change can be either good or bad, but it will have a definite turning point.”

“Now…” she continued “let me have your hands.”

I placed my hands in hers. She massaged the palm of my hands with her thumbs. Within a few seconds she stopped and drew her hands back. “Child, you…” she faltered and I could see her expression change. “you….are not….well.” she managed to wheeze before I had her throat in my hands.

Damn, this woman must be for real. I wasn’t out looking for getting my hands dirty but I couldn’t seem to escape it. Crystal gagged as my thumbs compressed her windpipe. Her eyes bulged and I could see fear. “Now, now…” I cooed. “I know you don’t want to get hurt now, do you?” Her head twitched left to right beneath my grasp. “No, I didn’t think so.” I continued. This was where my pride sprang forth.

“I bet you didn’t see this coming.” I said smiling broadly as she continued to gag. My compassionate nature always made this part easy as I loosened my grip and stroked her neck gently. “Oh, honey, you are going to be just fine! I won’t hurt you.” I said as I shrugged my Vendi purse off of my shoulder sending it down my arm. I quickly grabbed the strap and laced it around Crystal’s neck before she could even catch her breath. My hands moved instinctively now as I pulled the strap tight leaving her breathless. The expression in her eyes was just like the others as she began to suffocate. I could see, no, I could feel condemnation in my entire body as she went limp. That had been hard for me to get used to in the beginning, but now it just made me feel stronger.

I pulled Crystal’s body into a dark corner and covered her with blankets and old clothes that were strewn around the far side of the room. I stepped closer to the only window and smoothed my suit and reapplied my lipstick. God, this place was like a cave.

I closed the door behind me as I stepped back onto the sidewalk. With a smiling face and my stilettos tapping with every step, I was comforted knowing that I would be gone before they even knew she was dead.

Chapter 3

I was only a half block away from the hotel so I went without disguise. No one would suspect that a petite little woman like me would be capable of murder anyway.

I saw my alibi standing a few feet away from the front desk, a young shaggy boy with an obvious lust for beautiful women. Oh, I couldn’t see his eyes, but I knew he was looking. I swayed my hips as I walked toward the elevator, knowing that my tight skirt accentuated every curve.

I looked back over my shoulder to make sure I had caught his attention. I had. I slowed my pace and began to turn back with a confused look on my face as if I had forgotten something.

“Excuse me” I said standing a little too closely to the shaggy boy. Oh how nervous he was, trying to find a place to stash his hands. They settled in his pockets, but did not stay still. I saw him swallow hard as I turned up my charm, placing a finger upon my deep red lips and acting coy.

This was getting fun so I decided he’d make a great distraction for a few hours and continued “…could you please come to my room? I have some clothes that need dry cleaning.”

“Sure.”

I led the way back to the elevator with my shaggy boy following behind. He reminded me of a puppy and I adore puppies. The elevator made its way up to the fifth floor and I walked toward room 512. I slipped the key card in and opened the door for shaggy boy to enter. He stood in the hall unsure if he should step inside.

“Come on in, please” I said without tipping him off. Boys, they are so easy to manipulate. As he entered the room I closed and bolted the door behind me before turning my attention back to him.

“Yeah, um, where are those clothes?” he squeaked. Man, this boy wasn’t much beyond puberty but I let my reservations slide.

“Right here” I said as I unbuttoned my suit jacket and let it slide to the floor. I took a little extra time unbuttoning my blouse. I could see his arousal grow so I went in for the prize. I kissed him hungrily and he responded with a groan. I removed his shirt running my fingers over his hard body as we kissed. His hands were all over my ass. He moved closer until I could feel him against me. His hands slid under my skirt and inside my panties. When his fingers slid into me I nearly came It has been too long since I’d had a good fuck.

He unzipped his pants and pushed inside of me as my back was pressed fully against the wall. He lifted my legs around his waist and moved toward the bed. I was aroused by his strength and came quickly. He continued on and I climaxed once more before he did.

I was out of breath and, frankly, quite pleased. I was enjoying shaggy boy more than I had expected .

Here it is! - Chapter 1 (Work in Progress)

Throughout 2006 I set my sights on beginning creative writing again on 1/1/07. Scrapbooking has had the front seat for long enough. Well, I can't give up scrapping but I *want* to keep writing too. So, I am going to share with you a work in progress as it's written.

Some of it may be rough, but it will be my writing and that's a GOOD thing.

Please feel free to leave comments as we go along. I will post a continuation of the story as often as I am able to. My goal is to do a little bit of writing every day.

So, let's begin....

Chapter 1

It was near dusk when I came across Madam Rose’s Psychic Shoppe. It was not much more than a door tucked in between two other shops. I had always wondered what a psychic would have to say to me. The fact that this one was nearly hidden from public view only gave credibility to the advice I’d be given. I smiled at the thought of finally getting some long unanswered questions resolved.

I opened the creaky screen door and came upon a small set of stairs leading to the left. I took the three of four steps tentatively. They brought me to a wide open room with two small tables that were randomly placed. It took a minute for my brain to catch up with what my eyes already saw. The walls boasted large splotches of dark grey mildew spots, their edges yellowed over time.

The floor was covered with worn carpeting that must have been quite beautiful at one time. Now the pathways around the room were darkened and thin. Each table was covered with a cloth that looked like it had given up being pretty a long time ago.

“Can I help you?” I was asked.

“Oh, I didn’t see you over there,” I stated, straightening my posture and suit out of habit. “I am looking for a psychic.”

“Have you ever been to a psychic before?”

“No, this is my first time.”

“Crystal will be with you in a moment.” I wasn’t sure, but I thought I saw a sneer. I started to become uneasy and picked at my manicured nails while questioning my reasons for being there. What kind of psychic used the name Crystal anyway? I was about to turn away but it was too late.

Crystal was a scary sight, her faded red hair standing on end as if she had been electrified. Her gait was smooth as her large body moved back and forth like a pendulum with every step. A mass this large ought to have bumpers attached, I thought. I can’t help it. I feel humorous when I’m nervous. Luckily the smile that played on my lips appeared as nothing more than a friendly gesture as Crystal jiggled before me.

“Well. . .this isn’t your everyday psychic reading, I can see that! What are you doing in a place like this pretty lady?” as her arm swung around my shoulders. She was touching my $400 Baldora suit with her grubby paws. Nothing that a quick side step to the right couldn’t handle. “Now, now, don’t be nervous. . . “ she continued.

Yeah, this was definitely a mistake. But, hey, I have already switched over to being humorous so this was nothing more than a game of words to me. “I’m not nervous.” I said as I straightened my posture and my jacket. “No?” she winked back.

Okay, this woman is a psycho not a psychic. This just keeps getting better and better. I flipped open my wallet and handed a wad of bills approximating $60 toward her outstretched paws. She counted the bills backward and forward and then returned her gaze to me. I no longer felt funny. I felt scared. “Will she know my secret?” kept playing it’s scratchy tune in my mind. I am tired of hearing this broken record. Of course she won’t know my secret. That’s ridiculous.

Crystal waddled to the nearest table and I sat too.