March 22, 2007

Rules of Housekeeping for 2007

My mom sent this to me. Isn't it just the best??? Mom is a very thorough house cleaner, so it was quite ironic that she sent this to me.

I do not know what's living behind my refrigerator. I do not care to know.
I do not wash the floor on my hands and knees. Just washing it is a notable event in our house.
Things multiply under my furniture and I find them years later. It is just like Christmas when I have to pull out the flashlight to check these areas.
The wood floors throughout my house are scratched and in need of refinishing. I don't suppose letting Kate practice tap dance on them has anything to do with this. The scratches show how much life has been lived in my house.
I do not wash my mini blinds unless Mom comes to do it for me. Better yet, I replace them with new cellular shades.

Here's to my Mom who always set a great example of how to clean properly. Hey, I *do* call her for cleaning advice now and then. Love you, Mom!

Rules of Housekeeping For 2007

1. Vacuuming too often weakens the carpet fibers. Say this with a serious face, and shudder delicately whenever anyone mentions Carpet Fresh.

2. Dust bunnies can evolve into dust rhinos when disturbed. Rename the area under the couch "The Galapagos Islands" and claim an ecological exemption.

3. Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide a helpful filter against harmful and aging rays from the sun. Call it an SPF factor of "5" and leave it alone.

4. Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduces the glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If your husband points out that the light fixtures need dusting, simply look affronted and exclaim,
"What? And spoil the mood?"

5. In a pinch, you can always claim that the haphazard tower of unread magazines and newspapers next to your chair provides the valuable Feng Shui aspect of a tiger, thereby reducing your vulnerability. Roll your eyes when you say this.

6. Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up against the doorways by claiming you are collecting it there to use for stuffing hand-sewn play animals for underprivileged children.

7. If unexpected company is coming, pile everything unsightly into one room and close the door. As you show your guests through your tidy home, rattle the door knob vigorously, fake a growl and say,
"I'd love you to see our Den, but Fluffy hates to be disturbed and the shots are SO expensive."

8. If dusting is REALLY out of control, simply place a showy urn on the coffee table and insist that,
"THIS is where Grandma wanted us to scatter her ashes."

9. Don't bother repainting. Simply scribble lightly over a dirty wall with an assortment of crayons, and try to muster a glint of tears as you say,
"Junior did this the week before that unspeakable accident... I haven't had the heart to clean it..."

10. Mix one-quarter cup pine-scented household cleaner with four cups of water in a spray bottle. Mist the air lightly. Leave dampened rags in conspicuous locations. Develop an exhausted look, throw yourself into a chair, and sigh,

Post a Comment
There was an error in this gadget
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...