September 9, 2011


I have been off all week.  I missed a dental appointment on Tuesday, every day I've had to ask myself which day of the week it was, and yesterday I completely forgot to post a Thursday Thoughts.  I can't wait for the weekend.  Maybe my internal day-clock will be reset. 

This week is less of an update and more of my Thoughts. 

What if...

I am currently reading this book about a 12 year old boy who has leukemia and he was just told that he'd have about two weeks to live.  I thought about that for a long time this morning. 

What if...

If I knew that when I close my eyes tonight I would never open them again, how would I spend my last day?  

Would it be the same as every other day?  Would I go about my life like I have 1,000 tomorrows to live or would I spend it holding my family members so close we became one breathing unit?  Would I spend it crying for the loss I knew was coming or would I (could I?) spend it with new enthusiasm to experience everything I loved just one more time? 

The honest answer:  I don't know.

Then I got to thinking about some of the ways I passively spend my time, reading blogs, message boards and the like.  Do these things really enrich my life? 

What if each of us had a number above our heads showing how many days we had left to live.  Would we change the way we treat one another?  Would we expect more of ourselves?  Would we show more respect and kindness to others?

I have observed that women - particularly on the internet - can be quite brutal to one another.  And that makes me wonder how much we truly benefit our lives by spending our precious time there?

I think about creating a "bucket list" and I don't even know where to begin.  There are so many things I'd like to do. 

I have a gazillion craft ideas all spinning in my head at once.  I usually feel like I'm walking down a grocery store aisle looking straight ahead.  My peripheral vision catches so many things all around me--colors, sizes, uses, ideas--that it can be overwhelming. 

I want to write.  Story ideas keep floating around but I can't/don't even focus my energies on them.  How can I squeeze it in?

My family.   If they knew my time was coming to an end, would they love me differently?   Or would we all continue living our own busy lives?  Connected through blood, but far apart in real life?

So many questions I don't even know where to begin.  And today, my day of pondering "what if" I have a massive migraine and feel like crawling into bed.  But what if ... what if this really were my very last day?   How will I spend it?

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