June 18, 2009

THURSDAY THOUGHTS - Running Down a Dream

I initially wrote this story for a Sunday Scribblings prompt. The word was confession.
The Confession

It was another night of restlessness for Liam. His brain just couldn't stop sputtering between one painful memory after another. The memories that he thought he'd buried, tucked away neatly among other old forgotten memories.

The pain and torment of his inner mind lifted temporarily as Kate cried out softly in her sleep. She'd been tossing and turning in her sleep more frequently these days just as Liam had. Suffering with thoughts she couldn't stop, just like him, he supposed.
He propped up on one elbow to see her clutching the covers close to her chest. Even in this dim light Liam could see the strawberry pink color of her slightly parted lips. The lips that he had betrayed.

His chest ached with the realization that he had ruined everything that was good in his life with one simple act. One regrettable decision. A moment of weakness.

"Fuck" he whispered rubbing his palm over his stubbled chin and cheek as he shifted his legs out of bed and sat up. He walked to the bathroom and splashed some cold water on his face. He stared into his own vacant eyes in the mirror still thinking, still hurting.

Kate stepped in behind him asking "What's the matter?" Liam was speechless. He didn't know how to answer that question. No matter what he said it would feel wrong.

"Nothing, just couldn't sleep" he replied.

"Liam, I know something's going on. You haven't been sleeping and you've barely been eating. Something is not right. I can feel it. Tell me what it is."

"I told you already, nothing! Can't you hear?" he snapped.

She recoiled at his sharp tone, a tear welled and wended its way down her cheek.

Liam noticed the tear and something else too--those damn sweet pink lips of hers were quivering.

"Shit" he said as he walked past her and into the living room, his hands balled into fists as his anger rose.

Kate followed close behind pleading with him to tell her what was wrong.

"So it's a confession you want? Is that it?" Liam screamed.

Kate stood confused. "A confession? What do you need to confess about?" she asked, her voice sounding unstable now.

"Why can't you just leave it alone!" he replied.

"Liam, ..." she whimpered, fresh tears falling from her eyes as she collapsed to the floor. Her white nightgown pooled around her making it look like she was under the moon's spotlight.

Liam thought she looked like an angel, so soft and vulnerable. He couldn't break her heart. He just couldn't!

He knelt down beside her and whispered "I love you" as a lump of emotion rose in his throat. He wrapped his arms around her kissing each tear soaked spot on her beautiful face until she was smiling again.

His thoughts lifted then, a smile playing on his own lips. "Wait here" Liam said, tapping her gently on the nose. He rose and went into their bedroom.

A minute later he reappeared and took both of her hands in his coaxing her to a stand. He knelt down on one knee before her and took out a small blue box. He opened it to reveal a delicate diamond ring.

"Kate, I can't live without you. Will you marry me?" Liam asked.

She was stunned at what was happening.

"Yes, yes, of course I will!" she beamed. They stood kissing passionately until he swept her off of her feet and carried her into the bedroom. After the rush of emotions they had just gone through, their love making felt brand new and intense.

Kate snuggled up beside him and drifted off to sleep. Liam couldn't believe what had just happened. What the fuck did he just do?, he thought. As her soft breath floated over his chest, he realized that life would not be worth living without her and buried his secret even deeper into his memories. Besides, he thought, a secret is only a confession if you tell someone and that will never happen.
A couple of weeks later I found the Editor Unleashed forums and a Flash Fiction contest they were having. So, I entered The Confession. The voting started Monday and though I know this story is far from great its rating right now is "bad." Ouch.

What's a girl to do? Do you listen to your critics and give up? No! I can't give up. I believe in myself. I believe that no matter who you are or your level of talent you are going to be exposed to critics. Some of the criticism may be valid but not all of it.

I've always had this internal struggle trying to find a balance in my life between, family, work and hobbies. How much of yourself do you devote to your dreams? See, I believe that you have to work hard to achieve your dreams, and that you can't give up. But, sometimes I wonder if it is a waste of time. Will my dreams ever become a reality?

I am a huge believer in prayer & destiny but hard work is the surest path to achieving your dreams. With all of this doubt I feel it was a wonderful sign to hear Tom Petty's "Running Down a Dream" this morning. It couldn't have come at a better time. I am making this my theme song.

Tom Petty Runnin' Down a Dream Lyrics:
It was a beautiful day, the sun beat down
I had the radio on, I was driving
trees flew by, me and Del were
singing little Runaway
I was flying

Yeah running down a dream
that never would come to me
working on a mystery, going wherever it leads
running down a dream

I felt so good like anything was possible
I hit cruise control and rubbed my eyes
the last three days the rain was un-stoppable
it was always cold, no sunshine


I rolled on as the sky grew dark
I put the pedal down to make some time
there's something good waiting down this road
I'm picking up whatever's mine

[Chorus x2]

I'm running down my dreams.

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