March 4, 2010


I am sorry I didn't get a Wednesday Words post out yesterday as promised. I had a tough week dealing with depression and then illness.

Sunday I really wanted to just pull the covers over my head and let the world pass me by. I felt so desolate. It is one of the most insidious evils of depression, because it feels like no one cares, even though I've learned they have no clue unless you tell them how you are feeling. I often wonder how it can feel as if your heart is literally being squeezed and stabbed to death and your breath is failing and no one can see it? The pain one can feel inside is just dreadful. And tiring. I started wondering if that was how my sister felt as she took her own life. Did she just get too tired to fight it again and again? Because I have to say dealing with depression is a lifelong battle and even when you are feeling well it can sneak up on you.

I did force myself out of bed to take a shower. I sat in the shower and let the water sprinkle over me as I prayed to God for his grace to fill me up because I didn't know what else to do. It is fortunate that we had company coming and it forced me to get moving. In all honesty, I was feeling ill as well I just didn't know why at that time, but this all turned into a full blown nasty cold later on in the day.

Anyway, my MIL and GMIL came up for lunch with us. We went to the Outback Steakhouse - one of my fave restaurants because I LOVE their Bloomin Onions..yum, yum! I also had a couple of yummy sangrias, prime rib and a baked potato. I felt much better as time went by and even came to enjoy myself in the afternoon with some conversation and a game of Scrabble before our company left.

I was also thrilled to receive a couple of emails on Sunday from friends who I haven't heard from in a long time. I began to feel less alone and more in God's grace in all things. I have to trust that things happen as they are supposed to - even if they are hard or even unimaginable. I also had to praise myself for keeping going and telling myself that things will get better. In this case it only took a few hours until my mood started lifting.

So, no Wednesday Words this week but I have been busy getting on with things as my cold started to fade. I have been working on new creations for my shop...something you haven't seen me create before! Don't worry...I'll show you soon! and catching up on my reading. Right now Richard Bachman's read. I'm totally getting back into Steven King these days and found out that his son, Joe Hill, wrote Heart Shaped Box, another book that I loved and now just released Horns which I can't wait to get my hands on. I predict Joe to be even more successful than his dad. Quite a prediction, huh?

Work continues to be busy but I am handling it all well and keeping my eyes focused on the quieter days ahead...I know they are there somewhere...and luckily a lot of my super pressing issues haven't been so pressing this past week.

One other find this week is a new Wii game, Just Dance. I am linking a video here...hope it works...of my kids dancing to it. You will never see me dance, because you would not be able to catch your breath you'd be laughing so hard. Honest. But my kids are fun to laugh at cuz' they are super cute. Enjoy!

Now off to watch Project Runway...toodles!

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