The vomiting made my throat raw but it did nothing to distract me from the emptiness I felt inside. I sat with my knees drawn up and my head in my hands. The emptiness enveloped me and I began to rock back and forth until the soothing rhythm of my own weight shifting forward and back mesmerized my weakened mind. It was a motion my body knew well and my mind greeted eagerly, knowing that the desire to eat and purge would be temporarily abated with this simple task. A coping mechanism my therapist had called it.Title: Jagged Mirror
My thoughts teased and taunted me as I sat. Why has Richard left me all alone on New Years Eve of all nights? Am I so terrible? Is this a sign of the end for us? The “why” seemed to echo all around me. I didn’t have the answer and didn’t want to have one. I pushed the thoughts down again in an effort to maintain a shred of self control. Coping? Hardly, I thought, as soft cries began to erupt from the baby’s room. It was time to be mom again.
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