April 23, 2009


Work has been absolutely crazy lately. I get so many things coming at me at once that it is super easy to forget things and make a mistake. That's when I have to remember that I am human...ha ha! Each day I work my tail off thinking tomorrow will be quieter but that hasn't happened. On a bright note I've gotten a lot of work done.

I've been 5 weeks free of Fluoxetine (sp?) which is a generic Prozac. Other than feeling more emotional I feel soooo much better. I can actually think clearly and I don't fall asleep standing up (which is only a slight exaggeration). I also have energy. Suddenly I feel like my old, old self again. Way before all of this self discovery began. And you know what??? Tomorrow is the day my sister was found dead three short years ago. I miss her terribly, which is sometimes mixed with anger, but I do not feel like I'm about to drown in pain and tears. Baby steps have gotten me here.

This morning I ran into the therapist I was seeing through all of this and my heart ached a bit (emotional I tell ya!). I gave her a big hug and I could tell she was happy to see me looking so well. It is a moment I realized how instrumental this person has been in my life, and how little I've been able to show her how much it meant to me. I hope she felt the sincere love and gratitude that I felt when I gave her that hug today. She's one amazing lady. Since my medication has been stopped I am going to start seeing her again to try to fine tune some of this emotional stuff I don't know how to handle properly. I will make sure she knows what an impact she's had on my life and where I'm at today. We need more people like her.

There was another striking moment for me this past week. My hubby sprained his ankle while testing for his black belt in karate. He did such a good job up until that point that he was able to pass!! The ankle is not broken but he may have torn some ligaments or something. It is still very swollen. We will find out more on Monday.

The striking moment came when we were getting ready for bed that night. I normally sleep on the left and he on the right side of the bed (facing away from the headboard). He had sprained his left ankle so he wanted to switch sides so we could still touch each other throughout the night. Every night we touch each other no matter what. Sometimes it's only our feet touching, sometimes it's a full-blown snuggle, but always touching. Now isn't that a super sweet thing for him to think of?

Last night we watched a movie called Fireproof. It is about a couple facing divorce and their struggle to make it work. It has a lot of Christianity based elements to it and was a wonderful reminder of how we take each other for granted. The plot was pretty hokey but the message was powerful. I cried. (Are you surprised??) I recommend watching it with your loved one.

This weekend marks the last of the Urban Anthology design star application process. I am not in the lead, but still have a chance in being selected. I'll be crossing my fingers until next week!

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